I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
