I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
