the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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