I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize