my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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