God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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