I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
