love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
