You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize