Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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