if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
