If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize