I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize