I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize