Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
