I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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