there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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