it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize