their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
