I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize