I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
