so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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