Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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