this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
