Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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