Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
