Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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