it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
