I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
