We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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