That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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