Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
