I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
