If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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