I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
