Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
