You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
