You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
