Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
