Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
