I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
