look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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