i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
