Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
