So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
