Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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