Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
