I wish I could punch you in the face.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
