you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
