I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
