It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
