I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
