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You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
