I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
