I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
