Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
