Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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