Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
