I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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