WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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