what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
