new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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