I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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