I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
