All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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