hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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