Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize