Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
