12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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