It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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