woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
