Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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