Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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