her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
