I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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