Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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