Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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