Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well you can't waste a boner
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
