you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
