'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
