I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
