Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
