We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
