I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize