I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
