they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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