I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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