sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
