I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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