:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Semen is not good for contacts.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
