thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
worst night to have a conscience
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
