i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
