Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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