some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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