if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
