I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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