this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
