we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
