What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My vagina is very pro this idea
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
